How Low Can You Go

“Good morning, Pooh Bear,” said Eeyore gloomily. “If it is a good morning,” he said. “Which I doubt,” said he.

“Why, what’s the matter?”

“Nothing, Pooh Bear, nothing. We can’t all, and some of us don’t. That’s all there is to it.”

“Can’t all what?” said Pooh, rubbing his nose.

“Gaiety. Song-and-dance. Here we go round the mulberry bush.”

Depression:  a serious medical illness in our society today, but one that seems almost taboo to admit or talk about.  Sometimes the word is thrown around very loosely too.  Let me make one thing clear, you have never experienced depression if you have had the occasional bad/gloomy day.  Those are just down days and the sun will come out tomorrow, at least that is what we say here on the East coast with our typical Atlantic weather.  We have all had those days. Depression is a constant sense of gloom, intense feelings of sadness, loss of interest in anything and everything, extreme fatigue (mentally and physically) and overall hurt (emotionally, mentally, physically).  The picture that always comes to mind is the above one.  I chuckled when I read the conversation I quoted between Eeyore and Winnie the Pooh, but it all seriousness it is true.  Depression does not only affect the person who is mentally began attacked, but those individuals who live with and are closely associated with that individual.  So, with all this said, please let me share our experiences and how we have coped through them.  We are by no means pros at this, but we can say we have been through it and have come out smiling.  

As I mentioned earlier Steve was diagnosed with depression in 2003.  His was partly hereditary and partly from the stress of health issues, work and illness of his mother.  I can tell you he would have more to say if he was typing this, but for now you will have to go by my experience and what a recall him telling me.  It is really hard to see your husband, the man of the house, go from leading and being the “strong guy” to becoming this weepy, discouraged, uninterested man who doesn’t talk or want to get out of bed.  Those of you who have always known Steve and those who have gotten to know him over the past years know he always has a smile on his face and if you are not laughing while around him, then you need to check your pulse.  This was not who we were living with.  Steve was Eeyore in a wheelchair.  I had to take on the role of, well, everything.  I felt so overwhelmed, alone and tired.  You would go to sleep and night and forget all about it and then when your eyes opened in the morning you would dread getting out of bed (me because I had to go through another long day of living with a man I thought didn’t love me and having to deal with everything on my own and Steve because the day held nothing for him and his mind hurt so much).  Steve’s depression and anxiety was treated with medication, but this does not instantly fix things.  It takes weeks sometimes months to level off the different activity in the brain.  It felt like an eternity for us. 

Depression is never gone it is just controlled while taking the medication.  Every so often that may need to be adjusted as our bodies become accustomed to the meds over many years.  Also, different circumstances, such as a serious illness, can cause the chemicals in our brain to get out of whack again and time along with a possible change in medication are what is needed to get back to “normal”.  We always encourage people to stay with what is working.  Like the saying “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it”.   

I myself have suffered with a form of depression (PMDD).  It is a very frustrating thing to not feel in control of your emotions.  Our minds are amazing!  Even doctors will admit that the mind is one area that never ceases to amaze them and there is so much to understand about it.  Fortunately, I do not need medication to control my “short circuit”.  There are certain foods I stay away from, and specific vitamins I take that seem to do the trick.  

So, what are some things that we have learned from all of this:

• Don’t be afraid to admit you have depression.  You can’t go through this on your own.
• Surrounding yourself with people is for the best even though you don’t want to.  Do not let it go untreated.  It is not a weakness.
• As a caregiver or friend make sure to get the individual doing things.  They can’t make decisions and even the circus will seem lame to them.  Don’t ask them, tell them we are going… or we are doing…  It’s not easy to do, but you have to be firm and bossy at times – try to do it in a loving way though.
• My motto was always I don’t care if I make a fool of myself, if he smiles I have succeeded.  My goal was to try and get Steve to smile at least once a day – that was my workout for the day. Below is an example of things I did.  This one worked exceptionally! 

• As the caregiver or friend do not take offence if the individual doesn’t seem himself.  It is not you, you have done nothing wrong.  Just encourage.  The individual going through the depression will feel much worse if he thinks he has hurt you or offended you.  It can be described as a selfish illness because the person is so consumed by their thoughts.  Just be normal or crazy like me. Try not to focus on the problem but there is certainly nothing wrong with talking about it.
• PRAY!!  God is the maker of our minds.  He knows them inside out.  Psalm 139 talks about how He knows everything about us – He formed us.  If anyone is going to know how to solve a problem wouldn’t it be the maker of the product?  Pray for strength/endurance for each day, pray for a ray of sunshine. Thank Him for the opportunity to go through this experience to better help others.